Teenage Boys are Hazardous to Your Brain

Did you know Taco Bell has a ghost pepper griller? Well they do. Anyone not cringing at the thought either needs to have their head examined or doesn’t realize what a ghost pepper is. In 2007 it was the hottest pepper in the world. That record has since been repeatedly broken by other hybrids cultivated by botany sadomasochists. The NYPost once wrote an article that eating too many could kill you. Naturally this made Taco Bell want to add them to the menu. Of course The Boy and his friend, who shall henceforth will be known as ‘Idiot’, decided they had to down this abominable creation.

They’ve been ‘getting around to it’ for a while as near as I can tell, apparently not up to the challenge on their midnight Taco Bell runs on Friday or Saturday nights when they are not supposed to be walking around the city! Yes, we’ve discussed this habit, a few times. Luckily the drop in temperature is putting an end to it.

Anyway, The Boy and Idiot never found the nerve to follow through with their challenge when they didn’t have parental support nearby. Just in case. So when Hubby and I picked them up on Sunday afternoon and drove them to Taco Bell for a quick bite, they had Hubby add two of the previously mentioned monstrosities to the order. At the time, I had no idea what they were up to, but the phrase ‘ghost pepper’ piqued my curiosity.

I questioned them, received the story amid very un-teenage-boy-like giggles, and just nodded. What else was I supposed to do? Forbid them from eating something that someone somewhere tested and classified as non-toxic, if not actually edible. It had nutritional information available, which meant it was food. Although I’m not sure about the calories-per-serving information. Is that before or after you sweat away a liter of water? Right, before. Calorie info doesn’t take chemistry in biological organisms into account, that’s why it it’s inaccurate. Another time on that.

Anyway, so what was I supposed to do with the information my 15-year-old was about to intentionally injure himself? It seemed mostly harmless, so I asked Idiot to film it for me. They thought that was a riot.

I have now watched the video, and while I’m disappointed by the poor quality of Idiot’s camera phone, I’m more concerned about the brain cells sacrificed in this endeavor. The video went like this:

[Picture a tall, almost awkwardly thin teenage boy eating a griller – much like a burrito.]

Idiot: “How is it?”

Boy: [Pauses eating and considers the question] “The middle and back of my tongue are lava.” [Takes another bite, then puts last quarter of the griller down] “I can’t finish this.” [Reaches for drink (Mountain Dew Baja Blast – because they just couldn’t accept my suggestion to drink milk) and takes a long drink]

Idiot: “Your face is really red.”

Boy: “Is it?” [Takes another drink]

Idiot: “Yeah. It doesn’t show on the phone, but it is.” (True, the video just showed his face as a delicate pink. It was a good look for him. Normally he could be mistaken for a vampire and I tease him that he glows in the dark.)

Boy: “I don’t really like hot things.” [Picks up rest of the griller and proceeds to eat]

Idiot: “You’re finishing it?”

Boy: [Shrugs and finishes the griller]

Idiot: “So it’s my turn?”

Boy: [Nods and reaches for his drink]

He said it was too hot and he wasn’t going to finish. He said he didn’t like hot food. Then The Boy picked up the damn griller and finished it. I can only assume the ghost pepper sauce can overpower brain cells and turn the mind of the consumer to its own will. So Taco Bell kicked off the zombie apocalypse, now you know.

Setting aside The Boy’s irrational behavior, which I suppose is pretty normal for a 15-year-old, what happened next really surprised me. Idiot, seeing that The Boy finished the griller without much trouble, decided to up the ante. He added hot salsa to his. Lovely. It turned out not to make much difference. Idiot finished his griller, albeit he reportedly turned 12 shades of red in the process.

The ghost griller is the third and hottest in the Taco Bell Dare Devil Challenge, so now the boys are planning on conquering the other two. They already survived the hot one, the other two shouldn't be any problem.